You are what you read?

Well over the last week or so in Goa and now here in Kerala I have been finding quiet spots, coffee shops, ferry stations, basically anywhere to sit down and read. Yes, me read! But before we all get too excited I'm reading shloch, plain and simple. Dan Brown may be trashy, but you cant put it down, so much so that I think I'm beginning to be a little too influenced by his characters.

Take for instance the events of today. It's hot here in Cochin, and sticky too, the kind of temperature that makes your t-shirt stick to you like syrup and turns a freshly poured bitumen road into a steaming river. Well that said I needed to find a place to sit, read and hopefully have a dip in a pool, only problem was my dusthole surely didn't have one, I was lucky to have cold running water!

The bible that I now peruse regularly, 'Lonely Planet India", mentioned that there was a hotel nearby that allowed guests to pay to use the facilities. So it was off to the jetty where I boarded a ferry to a nearby island that has one of the luxury Taj Hotels. The ferry cost 2Rs, around 6cents and all was well in the world until the man behind the counter of the hotel regretfully informed me the since the hotel was full non-guests could not go to the pool. Dejected but undettered I escape his view and made my own way to the pool, but this time I had a plan, straight out of a Dan Brown Novel.

I had a suspicion that perhaps it wasn't my shabby appearance and one-week beard that lead to my turn-down, maybe it was my ASCII accent. Keen to test this theory I sort out the hotel pool (which was empty) and approached the pool manager. Using a British accent that came out as a mix between Maxwell Sheffield and Richard Quest I tried my luck. Strike Two.

Well that was a waste of time so it was back to the old LP for more pool locations, but rather than give concierge the benefit of seeing me in the flesh, I was going to let my pompous UK accent "do all the talking"

I thought I was doing a pretty bang up job with the whole accent thing but it was the same story from the two hotels I called, "sorry we are full, no non-guests allowed". Maybe the guys at the Taj weren't fibbing after all.

I am also now the proud, or not so proud owner of the shittiest pair of Communist binoculars in existence. What are Communist binoculars, well I'll try to explain. What would or could have been normal binoculars are covered with red sical and hammers and images of eagles and plenty of CCCPs. I will hopefully include a photo when I get a chance.

(If anyone cares to hear my UK accent please feel free to ask for a demonstration on my return)